jessie's

2008-10-05T00:31:00.000+08:00

haha okay i know this is so late but I HAD THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVERRRRR!

(this is from really long ago cos i dont have recent photos!)

LOVE.

haha i reset my password. i hope i'll remember it from now on but i'm not really gonna blog anw so..

Rough landing, Holly

2008-02-02T00:09:00.000+08:00

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH CAS AND I REALLY REALLY MISS HER! >: WHEN AM I SEEING YOU PREETY.

school has been really crazy i cant stand it! there's absolutely no time for anything else and when there is a little extra time (which is very very rare), i feel so tired i just want to sleep. how how and assignments keep piling up, just when you finish one, another one hits you in the face. i actually stayed up to finish my gp essay last night after completing a lit essay! hahaha i'm quite proud of myself for that cos like i wouldnt have bothered if it was last year so yay me! haha but then you know the worse part of this is that it's only january now so imagine like nine more months of this. argh i just hope it'll all be worth it in the end (uni uni!)! and yes thank god for funny friends! they make school more bearable.

i went to church last sat after a long long long time and it felt so different.. :/ i dont know how to say it but like even though everything was still the same, praise and worship first then announcements then worship again and sermon next and then altar call, something just wasnt right. i dont know how to explain it! it feels like a million years since the last time i was close to God ):

this entry sounds depressing and i dont like it cos i am generally not a depressed person! ):<

hey jude

2008-01-13T15:02:00.000+08:00

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting.

-Dr. Seuss

puss in polished boots

2008-01-04T23:30:00.000+08:00

i really dont like the sound of the hair dryer!

3.12

2007-12-12T02:27:00.000+08:00

this morning was spent talking to alfred on msn and i didnt realise how much i miss our class until now! i can safely say that 4/4 was the best class i ever had and if alfred had a facebook account i would totally nominate him for the 'reminisce with me about the good old days' superlative! hahaha i mean it's so comfortable hanging out and just talking with the class and i'm sure even though we havent met in a million years we would still have plenty of things to talk about. it's that familiarity and that comfort that i miss so much and which i havent really found ever since this year started.

i think somewhere along the line i kinda lost myself in school. it was like i didnt know what i was doing and i was just drifting along and i felt stuck in a rut (haha drifting along and still stuck!), something like how krishna in the english teacher felt. plus it seemed like everyone else was adapting well and all that and i was the only one feeling that way. and you know what! i dont know what this is about anymore and i dont know what else to say.

do all the wonderful things happen when we're not aware of them?

the other

2007-11-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

i can stay at home and watch grey's anatomy all day!

tinglies in the silliest places

2007-10-17T19:56:00.000+08:00

yesterday was awesome fun! it was just a bunch of us and meatballs at ikea. simple pleasures you know! i died watching vithya run in front of me with a turban on her head hahahaha havent been so carelessly happy in a long time! (: laughed so hard that it stung i think i have abs now heheheh!!1!!1 michelle are you laughing or crying!

chase me a rainbow

2007-10-06T01:04:00.000+08:00

today marks the most agonising two hours and fifteen minutes of my life i never knew we had to write three essays for h1 history had i known i wouldnt have taken this subject but i dont know what else i can take regret (ohh regina what is this) always comes too late anyway i cant think properly now i've never felt so carefree actually i dont feel carefree i dont know how i feel i think i feel lost but isnt that how i always feel i know this has no punctuation but it's okay oh isnt that an apostrophy? isnt that a question mark? isnt this okay shut up jessie too much studie buddys sessions have gotten to me now i cant stop relating everything back to what i learnt like resistance is futile and how the studie buddys are like the triumvir in antony and cleopatra complete with a foam sword and that a hudc is like a mix between hdb and a condo just like what an mc firm is oh god what is going on and i havent been to church for the longest time it is so hard

i burnt my tongue today i think my mum is the funniest mum ever i want to laugh as hard as i used to

is this long enough this is improvement right i will try to blog regularly from now on i hope

my head hurts and i desperately need a bath

don't sleep

2007-08-21T21:58:00.001+08:00

life goes on.

damn regret, i'll try to forget

2007-08-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

i remember the days of innocence and ignorance, where forever never lasted long enough. remember the nights we spent serenading the stars, realising for the first time in a long time that nobody cared but us. it didn't matter though because we had each other and that was all we'd ever need. we cried together, we died together, but we were funny that way and i don't think i've ever laughed as much.

i have so much left to say to you christina you're leaving too soon ):

iris

2007-07-27T18:29:00.000+08:00

" it was you and me, in a car on a highway- nothing to it, really. we drove, i'm not sure for how long, but the road never seemed to end. there was never an awkward moment between us, which was odd because it had been a long time since we had been close. with the wind in our hair, we screamed classics into the blazing heat, never once stopping to think about who might be listening. the cheap red wine mixed with giddy memories of childhood made that roadtrip unforgettable.

forever never lasts long enough.

vitamin g

2007-07-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

give me air to breathe

2007-07-13T19:27:00.000+08:00

today was kinda weird.

cos we never really had our closure

2007-06-22T22:48:00.000+08:00

you know how you find a song and you just listen to it over and over again until it becomes this, like, soundtrack until you find a new one? well, you dont stop listening to it when you find a new one. you stop when you want to forget the things that it reminds you of.

where's superman when you need him?

2007-06-14T13:13:00.000+08:00

"where do i see, uh, myself in ten years? that's a good question. okay, uh, well, i guess more than anything, you know what i would like? i would like the happiness that i have right now. although, i guess, what are the chances of that? i mean, you go through your life, and you're probably only going to be able to look back and pinpoint, like, two or three times where you were genuinely actually happy. and then, of course, in those moments, you wouldnt have even appreciated it anyways, because who does, right? so, where do i see myself in ten years? um, i guess, what i would like is, uh, i would like to be right here. you know what i mean? right now, in this moment, and uh, not because i'm afraid of uncertainty, because i'm not. it's just, you know, i was taught that when you have something good, what you're supposed to do is you hang on to it, you know? you hang on to it with both hands, and if somebody tries to take that from you, what you should do is you should make sure that they pry it from your cold, dead fingers. yeah." -seth cohen, the oc season 3

MOTHER MARIA

2007-05-27T02:08:00.000+08:00

i think this picture is quite funny!

hello?

2007-05-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

i feel like deleting my blog! i hardly even blog anyway!

polka dots & diet cokes

2007-05-05T14:40:00.000+08:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

like a broken record player- back and forth and here and gone, and on and on and on and on

v is for valerie

2007-04-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

look at those santi faces.

a day late

2007-04-16T21:25:00.000+08:00

dove shampoo makes my hair smooth. i use dove. so my hair is smooth. yay!

if i could find you now

2007-04-06T14:29:00.000+08:00

so it's good friday today, and for some people it's just another public holiday. but it means so much more to me. today's the day that Jesus was cruxified and i really cannot imagine the pain that He went through for me. i cant wait for service tmr evening! i know it's gonna be good.

i love my class! :D although i do miss my class in the first inake very very much, my new class is fun! there are seven celebrities in my class okay!
1. gwendolyn ong, we just call her gwen (gwen stefani)
2. jasmine wan (jasmine tye)
3. andy yee (andy lau)
4. michelle lai (michelle branch)
5. maria daud rowe (maria sharapova)
6. jackson chua (michael jackson)
7. JESSIE TOH (JESSE MCCARTNEY! WOO!)
HAHAHA YES. and my ct has many different hand gestures when he talks.

he's a groundbreaker that mr chua. i love my class. yay!

let's slit our wrist and burn something beautiful

suicide, it's suicide

2007-03-27T21:25:00.000+08:00

jessie's lame-ass excuse to break up:

"I was really just in love with your pants the whole time"

'What is your lame-ass excuse to break up?' at QuizGalaxy.com

no hero in her sky

2007-03-18T01:39:00.001+08:00

and hansel said to gretel, "let us drop these bread crumbs so that together, we find our way home. because losing our way would be the most cruel of things."

okay, so school is starting in two days. i'm having mixed feelings about it! i mean, i'm all hyped up and excited for the first day of school but i'm dreading the workload! i still have history and ECONS to catch up with and it's not like they are easily comprehendable! i was reading my history readings today (hahah reading my readings) and i didnt know what it was talking about half the time! i had to actually flip to the previous page and like scan through the page again. but oh well, at least i can be bothered to read them right. hahaha i'm cute! :D

hmm i cant really remember what i did this whole week but i definitely remember slacking! hahaha and on thurs, i went over to cas' and we just hung out at her house! we haven done that in ages and it felt really good! we'd always just pig out and watch crap television, except this time it wasnt really crap cos it was one tree hill! hahaha. i really miss that girl! how nice would it be if we were in the same school! hahaha but no, i dont regret going to sa one bit! (: and i'm happy cos we are both happy in our schools! yay!

so today, kelvin and i went to kap and studied! hahaha then we went to island creamery for an ice cream break! and guess what! his cousin lives in the same block on the same floor as my grandma! hahaha i know, how coincidental is that! he lives near me and his cousin lives near my grandma! hahaha.

anyway, SCHOOL.

and once you lose yourself, you have two choices. find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

hope of the broken-hearted

2007-02-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

it's raining.

the kind of rain that comes down so heavy it sounds like the shower's running, even when you've turned it off. the kind of rain that makes you think of dams and flash floods, arks. the kind of rain that tells you to crawl back into bed, where the sheets havent lost your body heat, to pretend that the clock is five minutes earlier than it really is.

ask any kid who's made it past fourth grade and they can tell you: water never stops moving. rain falls, and runs down a mountain into a river. the river finds it way to the ocean. it evaporates, like a soul, into the clouds. and then, like everything else, it starts all over again.

when mermaids cry

2007-02-22T22:57:00.000+08:00

so then i fell like that girl from a balance beam
a gymnasium of eyes all were holding on to me
i lifted one foot to cross the other and i felt myself slipping
it was a small mistake
sometimes that is all it takes

this gravity's making me dizzy

2007-02-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

in view of valentine's day,

"love is when my grandmother got arthritis, and she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore, so my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too."

"love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

"love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs."

"love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

"love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is okay."

"love is when you kiss all the time. then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. my mommy and daddy are like that. they look gross when they kiss."

"love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

"love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

"my mommy loves me more than anybody. you don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

"love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."

"love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than richard gere."

"i know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

"you really shouldnt say 'i love you' unless you mean it. but if you mean it, you should say it a lot. people forget."

"when you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."

awww (:

oh i've made up my mind. it's sa (: and there'll be no regrets.

touchdown, turnaround

2007-02-11T15:35:00.000+08:00

you know how every now and then, you have a moment where your whole life stretches out ahead of you like a forked road, and even as you choose one gritty path, you've got your eyes on the other the whole time, certain that you're making a mistake?

i think it's a head vs heart kind of thing. and i absolutely have no idea what to do.

you're my plug in baby

2007-02-08T21:57:00.000+08:00

i love pinky! (:

i didnt go to school today and went shopping with my mom and my older sister. hahaha. i was so surprised that my mom let me skip school, and it's not just today. she let me stay at home on tuesday too! i was expecting myself to get up and go to school on tuesday but then i couldnt! and my mom came into the room to wake me up at around 6.05 but i didnt get up. so she came in again around 6.15 i think to try and get me up but i just rolled about in bed and mumbled something like i dont feel like going to school. and my mom reached out and touched my forehead and said okay. hahaha i have no idea why she said okay but it's probably cos i'll be very late for school already. and maybe somehow my forehead felt warm. hahaha. so i just slacked at home. oh! hahaha when my mom agreed to let me stay at home, i was so excited that i was actually awake! hahaha and i texted some people to tell them that i wasnt going to school. plus i could still wait for their replies and i actually replied them back! hahaha. but i went back to sleep later. my younger sister laughed at me when i told her i was excited that my mom agreed to let me skip school.

and today! we went shopping! and guess who bumped into her cute neighbour??? HAHAHA. i didnt get anything! topshop's selling these little miss bossy shirts but i want little miss sunshine! i like little miss sunshine! :D and forever 21's forever so packed it's so irritating. haha. i wanted to get these bangles but my mom said no. hahaha i'll just get them myself (: and then after that we went to nanhua (!) to get my little sister home.

going back to nanhua always brings a hint of nostalgia. okay not like i've been going back often but i went back the other time to get my sister home too okay! and i didnt think i'd miss those days back in that school but yes i do.

on a lighter note, MY DAGE IS 35CM TALLER THAN ME! THIRTY-FIVE! AND WE WEAR FRUITY SOCKS! (: BREAK YOUR OWN RECORD, DONT GO TO SCHOOL TMR! HAHAHA. LOVE YA! :D

i wont be able to sleep tonight :/

"because morals are more important than ethics, and love is more important than law." -jodi picoult, my sister's keeper

you are red, violent red

2007-02-01T18:32:00.000+08:00

EEB! :D (i had to slant to one side cos the guy behind me is not very tall. hahaha.)

haha i cant believe school started for one month already!

and i think it's time i updated! hahah i know you wanna read this pinky! (:

school has been tiring. yes, it's fun, but tiring! i just had cross country yesterday and man! i've never taken the train so early in my life! the run was at east coast park! it's at the other side of singapore! had to make my way down to the clementi station to meet the nanhua people by 6.20, and that means i had to be at jurong east by around 6.15! luckily my mom could send me there. hahaha. okay, so i ran and walked and ran and walked with amanda weeling jolene! hahaha we were being posers cos we were actually walking initially. and then we started to jog whenever there were photographers! so it'll look like we were really running when they develop the photos. hahaha. but we were not too bad okay, we finished way faster than most people!

oh guess who i met at the bus interchange just now! hahaha it was TANG JIAJING! haven seen that girl since school ended last year! hahaha. and we took the same bus home cos she just lives one stop away! and yay! she owes me a movie treat cos we betted when the results will come out. she says it's next monday but i say it's friday. the results will come out on friday right? yes i see you nodding, so i'm correct and so she owes me a movie! hahaha. yay!

i didnt wanna go to school today but my mom said i had to cos being tired is not a reason to not go to school so i went. and luckily i went, if not i wouldnt have bumped into jj on the way home! and luckily i took the train with dorothy if not i wouldnt need to take a bus from the interchange and i wouldnt have bumped into jj! hahaha so yay that i went to school and took the train home! (:

crap i have a lit essay to write by tonight! actually she wanted us to do it in class but then we pleaded with her and since like 6 people were not around, she let us bring it home to do. at first i was thinking i wouldnt do it but then she said, "dont betray my trust". so now i have to do it. and she wants it by 9 tmr so i really have no choice but to do it by tonight.

i think i need sleep.

cant wait for this sat's fun fair! :D

"cos i built you a home in my heart with rotten wood, it decayed right from the start."

these waiting games

2007-01-23T18:29:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL! :D hahaha sa's fun! lectures and tutorials have officially started and they can get pretty boring sometimes but still! and i think i'm getting fatter! i eat everytime there's a break and there's quite a few breaks for me! the person who set my timetable must have been having a good day! hahaha. i've been late for school a few times now and today, i was only at cj when they were having assembly! hopefully i wont be late anymore. but the bus comes at weird timings sometimes! oh i met some crazy people! and we call ourselves EEB (eleven eyebrows) cos one of the guys only has one eyebrow. HAHAHA you're cute, seth! (:

we took height and weight for pe the other day and i'm only 154! ): how can right! i was 157 just last year! i think there's a big problem with the measuring tape! hahaha. and somemore 154 sounds so short! at least for 157, i can round up so i'll be 160! stupid i wanna be vertically-unchallenged! haha.

i joined TOUCH RUG! and i have to get in if not i'll have no life. HAHAHA. i think gp's interesting! and history too! but i'm not sure if i wanna continue taking h2 lit. math is so much more important right! and taking three arts subjects is not really reliable cos my results for arts fluctuates a bit. haha i dont know. but it's just the first 3 months so no harm trying!

and now i'm not so sure if i wanna go to ac (provided i can make it) anymore. heck i'm so scared i cant even make it to sa but that's beside the point. sa's fun! i know the education programme cant compare to ac's and i love cas, but i'm pretty settled in sa already. so i dont know.

"once, in second grade, kate drew a picture of a firefighter with a halo above his helmet. she told her class that i would only be allowed to go to heaven, because if i went to hell, i would put out all the fires." -jodi picoult, my sister's keeper.

I'M DEFINITELY NOT LAZY NOW PINKY! (:

cute without the e

2007-01-16T23:08:00.000+08:00

heroes didnt leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an out-stretched hand; they didnt wear boots and capes. they bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. and maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back.

choose water over wine!

2007-01-02T12:58:00.000+08:00

haha banana.

i think the water's really pretty (:

ignore my face. it was cold!

hello cherry!

my prince was waiting for me at the airport!

my cousin, the pepsi promoter.

salute the soldiers of WWI!

i like this! (pretend you cant see my younger sister. haha.)

and my all-time favourite! (:

oh ya, i should have taken a picture with edward! haha.

tmr's the first day of school. hello sa.

dreadlocks in her hair

2006-12-29T14:56:00.000+08:00

i'm back from nz! haha. the trip was fun! but the long driving journeys were not. i got carsick a few times but mostly i just slept on the way. haha. the scenery there was awesome! it's something that you definitely cant find anywhere in singapore. you can never imagine the mountains and lakes until you actually see them. although it can get a little boring after awhile cos all the mountains and lakes and streams and sheep and cows are the same, i think i still cant get enough of them! haha. new zealand is beautiful.

and the most amazing thing happened! we were still at the airport and i was just telling my sister how incredible it would be if you meet your friend at the airport and boom! i bumped into justin from church! haha. but it doesnt end here! i met edward from school all the way in new zealand! haha. i didnt know him initially but he seemed so familiar, and i guess he recognised me too so we waved. that was in queenstown. and i bumped into him at christchurch! haha. he was having dinner with his family, and my family and i walked past the restaurant! plus he was sitting facing the street so he could actually see the people who walked past. i didnt see him at first; my sister told me that my friend was inside. haha. so i walked back a little and went to talk to him. we got to know each other's names and i realised that he's actually on the same flight back! he was going to transit in sydney too. haha. how coincidental is that! oh! and the best thing is that he was sitting behind me on the plane from sydney back to singapore! i think i was being stalked. haha.

school's gonna start soon and i'm having mixed feelings about it. my orientation leader just called and she sounds fun but another school year sounds dreadful! haha. and who knows what would happen after the o level results come out. at least i've got my God (: you can have Him too you know!

it wouldnt stop pouring the past few days and everything was getting sad cos it kept on raining. but i'm glad the rain's over and the sun's coming out again! some scary stuff happened at home yesterday and i'm still pretty freaked. but thank you weiqin! (:

"hey! that's my princess! go find your own!" -shrek, when the hunter was going to snatch princess fiona away from him.
*how sweet! :D

till we run out of road

2006-12-14T16:24:00.000+08:00

all those going sa for first 3/1.5 months, we're gonna be class/schoolmates again! haha.

okay, i'll be leaving for new zealand tonight. and i'll be gone till the 26th. miss me guys! :D

and merry christmas in advance! (:

her little heart, it could explode

2006-12-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

"i just want you to keep doing what you're doing, because i think it's pretty amazing. so if you dont hear from me for awhile, it's not because i dont love you; it's because i do." -seth cohen

i just had 2 of the best days of my life! (: i went to my mom's childcare, where she works part-time and played with the little kids there! it was really nice and sweet cos this boy called jabez and this indian girl called akisha (i think that's how you spell it) came up to me and said "i like you". i felt so loved and everything i was beaming like nobody's business! :D this boy called yongchen has really nice eyes and he's so adorable! i especially like it when he smiles. and he's always with this other boy called bryan. bryan's really cute! but actually i was kinda scared of playing with them and stuff cos i just tickled this girl's foot and she burst out crying! haha. i was so scared! and the girl's really pretty okay, that's why i went to play with her initially. i didnt dare to touch her later but she came and talked to me! (: she smiled shyly and showed me her bag which had a picture of a cartoon cat (it rhymes!). she's very pretty and she has a sister who looks just like her. but sorry guys, they're too young! haha. there's this other pretty girl too! she's called bernardette. mrs lim's face popped into my head immediately when she told me her name. haha. she's so mature compared to the other kids and there's just something about her that's different. oh! there's this other boy called angus! he looks like a polar bear! extremely cute okay! (: haha. so i just spent my thurs and fri morning at the childcare playing with the kids. it's fun! (:

and when it was time for their afternoon nap, this boy called jordan (he's tan!) came up to me. he tugged lightly at my hand, looked up with his huge brown eyes and said "pat me to sleep okay?". my heart totally melted. how could i resist!

i'm a happy girl! (:

when molly smiles

2006-12-04T13:35:00.000+08:00

found this while blog-surfing. read on! it's funny!

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

hahaha. poor guys!

2006-12-04T13:20:00.000+08:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There is:
1
person with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

hahaha

long distance phone calls

2006-11-28T16:24:00.000+08:00

i wonder if God created the sunset just so He could see us smile every evening. i wonder if He gave each star its twinkle so that if we felt lost, we could look at those stars and see Him in the dark night skies. i wonder if He created day and night because He knew we'd need a fresh start and an ending as well.

christmas is less than a month away!

and the kids in the kindergarten downstairs are singing all sorts of christmas songs! frosty the snowman, rudolph the red nose reindeer, silent night. you name it, they sang it! haha. and it's really putting me in the mood for christmas! i cant wait for christmas now! it's the season to be jolly and everyone's generally happy! of course, Jesus is the reason for the season (:

i feel like i should take up some sports or something cos i'm really wasting the hol away. haha. cant wait for cas to be back!

shimmy shimmy quarter turn

2006-11-24T18:47:00.000+08:00

"you dont love someone because they're perfect. you love them in spite of the fact that they're not." -jodi picoult, my sister's keeper

-

i'm officially school-less.

oh gosh. i cant tell you how bored i am. there's absolutely nothing to do at home! i cant wait to head to new zealand and check the sheep and kiwi out. somebody, please tell me what to do!

but woo! christmas is coming! i'll be spending it out of town though ): i wont even be here for the christmas service! but it'll be kinda nice to spend christmas overseas i guess.

argh i'm so bored! ):

i am a narcissist

2006-11-24T14:24:00.000+08:00

hello amanda.

2006-11-23T01:20:00.000+08:00

I'M BACK! (:

adios mate -

2006-10-10T19:46:00.000+08:00

now that we've gotten well acquainted, what say you and i take a break from this high-life and break free from this rut.

till then, you know you've got my love (:

jessie.

the bitter end

2006-09-30T12:22:00.000+08:00

there's nothing else i can say other than argh. argh for not putting in more effort for history. i know i can do history and i know prelims is not a proper gauge of my standard but it's really disappointing ): imagine passing, and even doing well, for every single tests for the past 2 years and flunking for the first time in prelims! and i know i only failed by 1 mark but it's still a big blow to me. i was so shocked when i saw my results i could only manage an 'oh my gosh'. plus this is not just any other test or exam. it's the prelims for goodness sake! looking back, i dont mind failing for all those class tests that we had. i just dont want to fail now! furthermore, mdm sia said that the source-based questions were pretty easy and i merely got a 15/25 for that section. oh boy. and it's not like i did exceptionally well for ss. i got a 31. add that to my 24/50 for history, and it's only a c5 ): i think i'm gonna be all broody over the weekend just thinking about my humanes results.

this whole week hasnt been very good considering how my results are and now i feel a little feverish.

"i'm so far gone now, i've been running on empty. i'm so far gone now, do you want to take me on - "
lunacy fringe the used

demolition lovers

2006-09-26T17:35:00.000+08:00

(cos yiting said my blog was getting stagnant)

today is eddie's birthday.

he is five years old. it is a sunday afternoon at ruby pier. picnic tables are set along the boardwalk, which overlooks the long white beach. there is a vanilla cake with blue wax candles. there is a bowl of orange juice. the pier workers are milling about, the barkers, the sideshow acts, the animal trainers, some men from the fishery. eddie's father, as usual, is in a card game. eddie plays at his feet. his older brother, joe, is doing push-ups in front of a group of elderly women, who feign interest and clap politely.

eddie is wearing his birthday gift, a red cowboy hat and a toy holster. he gets up and runs from one group to the next, pulling out the toy gun and going, "bang, bang!"

"c'mere boy," mickey shea beckons from a bench.

"bang, bang," goes eddie.

mickey shea works with eddie's dad, fixing the rides. he is fat and wears suspenders and is always singing irish songs. to eddie, he smells funny, like cough medicine.

"c'mere. lemme do your birthday bumps," he says. "like we do in ireland."

suddenly, mickey's large hands are under eddie's armpits and he is hoisted up, then flipped over and dangled by the feet. eddie's hat falls off.

"careful, mickey!" eddie's mother yells. eddie's father looks up, smirks, then returns to his card game.

"ho, ho. i got 'im," mickey says. "now. one birthday bump for every year."

mickey lowers eddie gently, until his head brushes the floor.

"one!"

mickey lifts eddie up. the others join in, laughing. they yell, "two! ... three!"

upside down, eddie is not sure who is who. his head is getting heavy.

"four! ..." they shout. "five!"

eddie is flipped right-side up and put down. everybody claps. eddie reaches for his hat, then stumbles over. he gets up, wobbles to mickey shea, and punches him in the arm.

"ho-ho! what was that for, little man?" mickey says. everyone laughs. eddie turns and runs away, three steps, before being swept into his mother's arms.

"are you all right, my darling birthday boy?" she is only inches from his face. he sees her deep red lipstick and her plump, soft cheeks, and the wave of her auburn hair.

"i was upside down," he tells her.

"i saw," she says.

she puts his hat back on his head. later, she will walk him along the pier, perhaps take him on an elephant ride, or watch the fishermen pull in their evening nets, the fish flipping like shiny, wet coins. she will hold his hand and tell him God is proud of him for being a good boy on his birthday, and that will make the world feel right-side up again.

and i guess this is what all mothers do: make the world feel right-side up again (:

and that's just the way the story goes

2006-07-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

at home, we all wear masks so that kate doesnt have to. i find myself checking her fingernails while she brushes her teeth or pours cereal, to see if the dark ridges made by the chemo have disappeared - a sure sign of the bone marrow tranplant's success. twice a day i give kate growth factor shots in the thigh, a necessity until her neutrophil count tops one thousand. at that point, the marrow will be reseeding itself.

she cant go back to school yet, so we get her lessons sent home. once or twice she comes with me to pick anna up from kindergarten, but refuses to get out of the car. she will troop to the hospital for her routine CBC, but if i suggest a side trip to the video store or dunkin' donuts afterward, she begs off.

one sat morning, the door to the girls' bedroom is ajar; i knock gently. "want to go to the mall?"

kate shrugs. "not now."

i lean against the doorframe. "it'll be good to get out of the house."

"i dont want to." although i'm sure she does not even realise she is doing it, she skims her palm over her head before tucking her hand into her back pocket.

"kate," i begin.

"dont say it. dont tell me that nobody's going to stare at me, cos they will. dont tell me it doesnt matter, cos it does. and dont tell me i look fine cos that's a lie." her eyes, lashbare, fill with tears. "i'm a freak, mom. look at me."

i do, and i see the spots where her brows have gone missing, and the slope of her endless brow, and the small divots and bumps that are usually hidden under a cover of hair. "well," i say evenly. "we can fix this."

without another word, i walk out of her room, knowing kate will follow. i pass anna, who abandons her colouring book to trail behind her sister. in the basement, i pull out a pair of ancient electric grooming clippers we found when we bought the house, and plug them in. then i cut a swath right down the middle of my scalp.

"mom!" kate gasps.

"what?" a tumble of brown waves falls onto anna's shoulder; she picks them up delicately. "it's only hair."

with another swipe of the razor, kate starts to smile. she points out a spot that i've missed, where a small thatch stands like a forest. i sit down on an overturned milk crate and let her shave the other side of my head herself. anna crawls onto my lap. "me next," she begs.

an hour later, we walk through the mall holding hands, a trio of bald girls. we stay for hours. everywhere we go, heads turn and voices whisper. we are beautiful, times three.

aww (:

2006-07-06T18:49:00.000+08:00

you know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales. that fantasy of what your life would be, with a white dress, and a prince charming who would whisk you off to his castle that's on a hill. you would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. santa claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming; they were so close you could taste them. but eventually you grow up. one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. most people turn to the things and people they can trust but the thing is it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cos almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

*

dont you just love school? it's only the second week and all the teachers are going down on us hard. and it's as if the time's-running-out speeches are not enough, mr see's personal msg thing yesterday was 60 days to prelims. that means it's 59 days today. oh amanda. haha.

i didnt like the sky this morning! it was so dark! and the clouds did not have their usual cotton candy texture! what a great start to the day. haha. but school was fine! didnt get caught for not tying my hair. plus our favourite woman wore her geisha costume to school again! haha. what a treat to the eyes.

spent last last night just gossiping with my sister. haha. it was fun! and although sometimes they get on my nerves and can be downright annoying, i really cant imagine how life would be without the both of them! (: no sharing of clothes, no fighting to get the bathroom sometimes, no endless talking until we all fall asleep, and the list goes on and on :D and (haha) i would receive two less presents on my birthday! i love my sisters! (:

*

at the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. it turns up when you dont really expect it. it's like one day you realise that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamt. the castle, well, it may not be a castle, and it's not so important happy ever after, just that it's happy right now. see once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

where love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme

2006-06-30T16:59:00.000+08:00

"see, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. once in a while, people may even take your breath away. that's what you have to believe."

if i had to tell you how humans made their way to earth, it would go like this: in the beginning, there was nothing at all but the moon and the sun. and the moon wanted to come out during the day, but there was something so much brighter that seemed to fill up all those hours. the moon grew hungry, thinner and thinner, until she was just a slice of herself, and her tips were as sharp as a knife. by accident, because that is the way most things happen, she poked a hole in the night and out spilled a million stars, like a fountain of tears.

horrified, the moon tried to swallow them up. and sometimes this worked, because she got fatter and rounder. but mostly it didnt, because there were just so many. the stars kept coming, until they made the sky so bright that the sun got jealous. he invited the stars to his side of the world, where it was always bright. what he didnt tell them, though, was that in the daytime, they'd never be seen. so the stupid ones leaped from the sky to the ground, and they froze under the weight of their foolishness.

the moon did her best. she carved each of these blocks of sorrow into a man or a woman. she spent the rest of her time watching out so that her other stars wouldnt fall. she spent the rest of her time holding on to whatever scraps she had left.

2006-06-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

"the great thing about M.J is that when you look in her eyes and she's looking back in yours, everything feels not quite normal cos you feel stronger and weaker at the same time. you feel excited, at the same time, terrified. the truth is, you dont know how you feel except what kind of man you want to be. it's like you've reached the unreachable and you're not even ready for it" --peter parker, spiderman

2006-06-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

cos you aint never gonna burn my heart out

so, today was ord or rod or whatever it's called. well we wont get to say "you going for choir?" anymore. haha. i dont know, maybe i'll miss it.

went to town later with my mom cos she needed to bring my sis to town. and my mom's hilarious! there was this buy 2 get 1 offer and she went "it's not worth it! cos if i buy 2, i'll only get to bring 1 home." get it? haha. okay maybe it doesnt sound funny here but it definitely was when she said it! :D my mom's so cool, she spontaneously tried something on in topshop! she said it looked really ugly though but who cares! haha. i had so much fun with my her today. i hope we do this again! (:

had lunch at billy bombers. the portions are so so so big! it really doesnt look that big but when you actually eat it, it's like wow! and there was so much meat on that plate i dont think i can look at meat again.

oh you know the middle-aged guy who hands out christian pamphlets along orchard road? he handed me one today and said, "come to my church okay. there's one around jurong too. only bring chinese friends. malays are not welcomed." my first reaction was what?! that's so not the way dude. thanks for making my day huh.

and i finished watching oc!

so ~~sally~~ jessie can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by

2006-06-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

2006-06-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

i've been tagged! -says this in the "we've been cloned" accent in white chicks. and I AM SO FRIKKIN' PISSED! no, i was kidding. i just got carried away. haha! squeeze me? :D

anyway i'm supposed to come up with eight different points of my perfect lover. yes. haha. it feels weird actually doing this cos you know, i dont usually do this kinda things. so here goes nothing.

1)LOVES GOD (:
enough said.

2)loves cas and loves all the people i love ~~and hate the people i hate~~
DO YOU SEE THIS PREETY! okay, i just added in the second part out of nowhere. haha. you know i dont hate people!

3)be funny and have a sense of humour
in short, make me laugh and take my jokes! :D

4)have a great personality
there's no use looking good if you've got none

5)be sensitive
take a hint man.

6)be adventurous
who else (excluding cas) is gonna go bungee jumping and sky diving with me?

7)think i'm the most amazing fantastic wonderful marvelous excellent fabulous person in the whole wide world (excluding his mom)
okay, i was just kidding! but of cos i dont mind! :D

8)be able to tolerate my narcissism
maybe i do love myself too much. but it's not my fault! i was born nice and sweet and pretty. too bad i cant choose to not be all those (: haha. do you see my point now?

it doesnt hurt if he's tanned! ;D

and i'm supposed to tag 8 other people, but you guys know how nice i am. so let me spare you the agony (:

1)whoever
2)who
3)wants
4)to
5)do
6)this,
7)go
8)ahead! (:

i can see the appreciative looks on your faces already.

now SMILE! (:

2006-06-08T21:56:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU (:

thank God for God and God's family, for providing me with all the love i'll ever need to fill up that void in my heart. that emptiness in the shape of a heart, only meant to be filled up by one person and that's YOU (:

i dont see why people have to go about seeking happiness in all the wrong places. all you guys chase after happiness when it's right there before your eyes. He loves you so very much. and He wont ever stop loving you no matter how much you push Him away.

cos everytime you push Him away, He hugs you even tighter. and everytime you mutter "i hate You", He whispers back with an "I love you".

i dont think anyone would be able to do that except Him. He loves us even when we dont love Him. how many of us here knows how it's like to love and not be loved in returned? remember how your heart aches when your love is not recognised or reciprocated? that's the exact same heart pain He feels. remember how you would go all out to prove your love to your other half by buying roses and saying a million "i love you's?

well, all He did was one action of dying on the cross for me.

and that's more than enough.

define love?
i call that love, with a capital L (:

having loved His own which were in the world, He loved them unto the end.

infinite x's and o's! :D

please dont drive me home tonight

2006-06-07T22:12:00.000+08:00

between who you are and who you could be
between how it is and how it should be

(: i feel slightly accomplished today cos i studied bio! haha. i admit i wasnt really paying bio the attention that it deserves but at least i did study right!

i've been feeling so wrong ever since this week started! probably cos every morning is packed with math. what a wonderful subject, dont you think? and then there's chem too. and it's always at some weird timing like 2.30-4.30. spare me pls math and chem. why must the both of you gang up to torture me like this. it's 2 against 1. that's not fair. you're disqualified.

; make me high on lullabies :D

death on a hot summer's day

2006-06-06T18:32:00.000+08:00

"i wish i could be every little thing that you've always wanted"
how sweet (:

apple's over at my house again and she's staying until friday. she has grown fatter since the last time i saw her! haha. and it's absolutely adorable. but too bad she stinks a little. came home just now and she jumped all over me! :D haha. she's cute!

give me a big smile now and keep it going all night! (:

laying head, head on the grass
chewing gum, having some laughs

one more sunset, maybe i'd be satisfied

2006-06-04T00:54:00.000+08:00

yesterday while having dinner with my family, i saw this small little cute chubby boy with squishy cheeks taking his fruits from the buffet table back to his table. on his plate were two watermelon slices and two honeydew slices. however, as he was walking towards his table, down this small slope, his plate was also positioned downwards, parallel to the gradient of the slope. i watched on as his fruit pieces slowly glide off the plate one by one and him being totally nonchalant about it, walking back to his table thinking that his fruit pieces were still on his plate. later when he finally realised, he started crying, because there was only one honeydew piece left on his plate. his daddy saw him crying, picked him up and carried him in his arms, then started to comfort him. he carried the little boy back to take two watermelon slices and two honeydew slices, and then carried him back to their table, making sure that as they were walking down the slope, no fruits were falling off the plate as well. when they got back to their table with all four fruit pieces still on the plate, i saw the tremendously big grin on the little boy's face. and when the daddy saw how happy the boy was, he couldn't help but smile too (:

when i saw this entire incident,
i felt like i was the small little boy and God's like the daddy.
(:

2006-06-02T00:14:00.000+08:00

"you cant just have faith when miracles do happen- you have to have faith when the miracles dont happen too"

love, or something ignites in my veins

2006-05-31T13:06:00.000+08:00

i shall spare the boys this time. haha.

i feel bad ): i was supposed to have tuition but i didnt and i spent a whole 2 hours mopping around the house. argh. what a great way to spend time, jessie! and the worse thing is that my tuition teacher said that he is serious with my work otherwise he wont bother to wake up early to come over! i feel so guilty. plus i thought he was the one who wanted to cancel. eeks.

on a lighter note, me and cas helped this old man cross the overhead bridge yesterday! (: what good girls we are! :D haha. this old man was struggling to climb the stairs of the overhead bridge and he was carrying 2 bags somemore. so we carried his bags for him. he took 10 mins just to cross the bridge and i dont know. that kinda scared me. what if i turn out just like him when i'm old? it's scary. then i'll have to take 10 mins just to cross a bridge. or maybe even longer. but the best part was that he wanted to give us $5! i mean his financial status thing doesnt even look okay and he wanted to give us money! it's $5 somemore and five dollars isnt exactly very little. of cos we declined! and it felt good to help! (:

anyway we took a little trip to the other side of singapore! haha. went to peninsula shopping centre and checked out granny's day out. that shop is so vintage. and one small little earring costs $12! i know, it's so :O! and that place around peninsula plaza and peninsula shopping centre and capitol building (i've never heard of this place) all looked so un-singapore. like i've just stepped into london or someplace like that. haha. and people were crossing the road like it belonged to their grandfather! it felt so different.

there's chem lesson later. how great.

i was drowning my sorrows but they learned to swim

2006-05-26T19:40:00.000+08:00

Create your own message at BlingyBlob.com

2006-05-26T18:47:00.000+08:00

here's another one for all you girls out there (: HAHA.

i totally fell asleep in front of the com.

had ptc today. went to school early and stoned for awhile. then went down to play netball under the scorching sun. i dont know wad's wrong with my shooting! haha. and basically, the day was spent going up and down in the lift.

my results are really really bad ):

brought ah huat home for the weekend. i'm not gonna hav anything to do with it though; i'm scared! ya,i know, wad's so scary about that little thing? haha. i'll leave the job to my sister.

i'm gonna work hard.

go on and close the curtains cos all we need is candlelight-

2006-05-25T22:35:00.000+08:00

sorry boys, i just had to. haha.

yeah yeah, if i'm your teacher, i'll give you an F; F for funny

today's the last day of skool! but there's the ~~much anticipated~~ ptc tmr. how great.

mr see: jessie desperately needs to improve in a math, e math and chem. okay. thanks for coming. bye.

and that's it. you specially go to school just to hear your teacher say this sentence and pass you the report book. wow. it totally wont waste my time at all.

i'm looking forward to netball though. haha. that is if we're playing.

i'm sick of your isuck attitude. why cant you just appreciate yourself! you're not that bad. why should you let peoples' comments get to you.

maybe redemption has stories to tell
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

2006-05-24T21:21:00.000+08:00

I'M BORED.

2006-05-23T21:42:00.000+08:00

summer dreams, ripped at the seams, but ohh, those summer nights*

i think my xxx is scary! one moment she was laughing happily at this channel 5 comedy. and the next, she exploded at my sister! :/

on a lighter note,
i am once again reminded of how real God is. i was waiting for the bus at the bus stop (of cos la, where else. haha.) and it was getting late. the sky was already darkening. and i was just telling God that if He is really really real (i mean, you'd never know right), the next bus coming would be 963. and guess wad! yes, you guessed it. the next bus really was a 963! (: yup yup. once again, i'm reminded of His faithfulness. it's high time i gave Him some.

oof. i'm pooped. and i haven bathed! and i feel hungry. AGAIN!

2006-05-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

you aint breathing right, that's why you're panting

fonseka wasnt being himself today. he gave us three free periods! THREE! he could hav made us do a compre with the summary included but he didnt! he could hav made us write a compo but he didnt! haha. and the amazing thing was that i absolutely had nothing to do during the free periods. i didnt know free periods could be as sian as eng lessons.

i feel like a pig today! just had dinner and i felt hungry all over again. like i didnt even eat anything from lunch until now. there's just this empty and funny feeling in my tummy! i must ask my stomach just what exactly is going on in there.

"oh stomach! what's happening to you!"

somewhere between nowhere and goodbye

2006-05-20T10:48:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS KOH! (:

the macdonalds illustration:
if i tried macdonalds fries and i think it's yummy, would i go out and tell my friends it's yummy?
-nods.
precisely.
we go out and tell the world that He is real because He has been so real to us in our lives.

smile for me now (:

chemistry was crazy from the get go

2006-05-19T22:27:00.000+08:00

NETBALL! (: it should be on everyone's favourite sport list. haha.

i cant seem to remember wad happened today.

and my L1R5 is 24 (i think). let's celebrate!

turn my head with talks of summertime-

2006-05-18T23:21:00.000+08:00

wad a great way to start the morning. fonseka came in and gave out our english papers. i'm quite disappointed with my eng results this time. oh well.

and wad a great day today was! -can you sense my sarcasm.

i am so ~~careless~~ clever.
11y=11
y=11
dont you just think that i'm so clever.

not convinced?
2x5=15
see, i told you that i am clever.

school didnt start out right, but i guess the day got better later.

had ISCREAM at serene centre with my girl! (: and the shop is so cool!

the shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. the one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.

2006-05-17T20:50:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUANMIN! (:

stupid exams had to drag on for about 3 weeks. but it's finally over now.

i dont really know what to blog about. maybe it's cos i haven been blogging for so long and somehow the desire to blog just disappears.

one quarter of the class came over today. just slacked around and watched ever after. it was an adaptation of cinderella!

ah.

so many what ifs

2006-05-16T22:18:00.000+08:00

HAPPY SWEET 16TH MEIRYL! (:
i miss you girl.

school let off at NINE today. that is the time which i normally get out of bed. went over to cas' house and we decided to catch aquamarine.

this boy at the pre-school next door just so adorable. he was checking the preety girls out! haha.

AQUAMARINE IS HOT (:

there was practically nothing to do today.

"You would start the conversation out of nothing and before you knew it was going where you had never been before." - The Soldier's Return

i spent 16 minutes writing all these. yay.

2006-05-16T22:02:00.000+08:00

so what is it all about?

it's about being saved by a God that has always been there. a God that you are aware of, but have never acknowledged.

it's about the unconditional, sacrificial love that has always been offered, but was never bothered to be taken.

it's about turning to a higher power in desperate need of comfort, and ignoring Him in times of satisfaction.

it's about the disappointment when you cant hear His voice, but holding on to your hope because you trust in His perfect timing.
it's about praising Him in times of suffering and thanking Him in times of content.

it's about questioning His presence when you suffer, yet it's about retaining your trust because you know His plans are for you to prosper.

it's about a God that has been knocking at our door, but we are too prideful to open it.

it's about a God that loves despite children who do not.

it's about all these and so much more.

2006-05-15T20:30:00.000+08:00

the heart of a father (:

so it was, years ago, when i was lying in a drunken stupor for 3 hours when my dad found me.
i was the son of a pastor, a seminary leader, and i had been perpetually high for 3 months now.
jobless, not attending college or anything, i had found a group of friends.
we got a kick out of it.
a kick out of hash, out of booze.
one night, when i came home drunk and high--this was the first time my dad saw this, although he knew what i had been up to--he told me that he loved me, and that nothing i did would change his love for me.
he also told me, though, that i couldn't keep doing this.
i could not be allowed to do this in this family's home.

baseline, it seemed, he was telling me to get out.
i didn't though; he didn't force me either.

more weeks passed, still the same old stupor, the same old drunkenness.
one night, i came home to find my dad sitting out on the porch, waiting up for me.
of course, i was drunk.
he said to me: you know i love you, and i always will. because i love you, i've changed the locks. if you want a key, you have to obey the rules of this family.
i took some of my things, stole my dad's wallet, and ran.

for the next three months, i stayed in a house with the rest of my friends.
the night of my first birthday away from home, i was--as usual--drunk and passed out. everyone was, i suppose, drunk or unconscious.
my dad came into the room.
the room littered with beer cans, with open pizza boxes, with rotting food.
the front door of the house had been wide open.
i lay where i was, a girl knocked out beside me, afraid of what my dad would do.
would he kick and scream, would be take my head and shake me awake?
i pretended to be asleep.

he just stood there, for a really long time, and looked at me.
i wondered what he was thinking.
then he came over, knelt down.
he kissed my forehead.
kissed me tenderly.
and then he left.

the story of a wayward youth, with a persistent lover for a father.
eventually, he went back to college, got a degree, and chose to go to the seminary.
he's now a pastor.
many years later, his dad asked him what turned him around.
he told him the story.

*
what a heart He has.
to love one who has so grievously hurt Him, who intentionally defies and disappoints him.
no greater love, indeed.

2006-05-06T20:22:00.000+08:00

cos ~~dad~~, there are many things that i'd like to say to you but i dont know how.

the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world that he didnt exist

2006-05-05T23:17:00.000+08:00

"have I told you about the tension of opposites?" morrie says.

"the tension of opposites?"

"life is a series of pulls back and forth. you want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. something hurts you, yet you know it shouldnt. you take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted."

"a tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. and most of us live somewhere in the middle."

"sounds like a wrestling match", i say.

"a wrestling match." he laughs. "yes, you could describe life that way.

"so which side wins?" i ask.

"which side wins?"

he smiles at me, the crinkled eye, the crooked teeth.

"love wins. love always wins."

*

"so many people walk around with a meaningless life. they seem half asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. this is because they're chasing the wrong things. the way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

*

"you see," he says to the girl, "you closed your eyes. that was the difference. sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. and if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too- even when you are in the dark. even when you are falling."

*

"the truth is, when our mothers held us, rocked us, stroked our heads- none of us ever got enough of that. we all yearn in some way to return to those days when we were completely taken care of- unconditional love, unconditional attention. most of us didn't get enough."

*

"wherever i went in my life, i met people wanting to gobble up something new. gobble up a new car. gobble up a new piece of property. gobble up the latest toy. and then they wanted to tell you about it.

"guess what i got? guess what i got?"

"you know how i always interpreted that?"

these were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. they were embracing material things and expecting sort of a hug back. but it never works. you can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.

"money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. i can tell you, as i'm sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feelings you are looking for, no matter how much of them you have."

*

"part of the problem, mitch, is that everyone is in such a hurry", morrie said. "people havent found meaning in their lives, so they're running all the time looking for it. they think the next car, the next house, the next job. then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running."

once you start running it's hard to slow yourself down.

*

"the most important thing in life is how to give out love and how to let it come in. we think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it in we'll become too soft. but a wise man named levine said it right. he said 'love is the only rational act.'"

*

sacrifice... we all make them. but you were angry over yours. you kept thinking about what you lost. sacrifice is part of life. it's supposed to be. it's not something to regret. it's something to aspire to. little sacrifices. big sacrifices. a mother works so her son can go to school. a daughter moves home to take care of her sick father. sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. you're just passing it on to someone else.

*

lost love is still love, eddie. it takes a different form, that's all. you can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. but when those senses weaken, another heightens. memory. memory becomes your partner. you nuture it. you hold it. you dance with it.

*

life has to end. love doesnt.

*

"that each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."

*

2006-05-05T18:08:00.000+08:00

"why cant we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? i guess that wouldnt work. someone would leave. someone always leaves. then we would hav to say goodbye. i hate goodbyes. i know what i need. i need more hellos."
--snoopy

4 down, 10 to go.

keep going people! (:

infinite x's and o's,
jessie

2006-04-30T01:07:00.000+08:00

"love's not a because, it's a no matter what."
-Jodi Picoult, Second Glance

little boy: "do you want to give me your heart?"
little girl: "well do you love me?"
little boy: "of course i love you"
little girl: "well how much do you love me? is it an m&m's worth of love? and if it is, then what colour m&m? i dont want to waste my heart on a boy who only loves me as much as one of those yucky brown m&m's. he has to love me at least a red... or blue... or green or maybe yellow at the least"
little boy: "i love you a thousand red m&m's"

AWW!

2006-04-26T18:23:00.000+08:00

; and there's no such thing as an ordinary day

cos I PASSED MY SBJ! not that i did tremendously well. but i cant jump. so it's considered good to me!

eng and chi paper 1 today.

and we even had history after the eng paper. great timing :/

it's time to mug now.

2006-04-23T11:36:00.000+08:00

can i be your memory?

sportsdayo6 was a blast! we formed the 4o4 formation with our bodies! haha. see we're so creative! and mr see's face when he was shouting at me to close the gap with the runner in front of me nearly cracked me up. haha. but yes, i'm uber proud to be in 4o4 (:

i left my favourite green rubber band at my grandma's house yesterday night! and guess wad! i brought chem prac notes up to study okay!

my childhood sweets are gone,
the backyard swings are torn

cos it's time to MUG.

what makes you different; makes you beautiful

smile for me people! (:

2006-04-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

willyoustayupjustforme?

You are everything i never knew i always wanted (:

spent a long long day in school today.

good night, and good luck

2006-04-18T19:47:00.000+08:00

"i cant believe that after all we've been through, ten years, you know nothing about me. did you really think that i didnt say goodbye to you because you dont mean as much to me as the rest do? you're wrong, ross. i didnt say goodbye to you because it was the hardest."
-rachel, friends.

2006-04-18T19:44:00.000+08:00

emotions run dry, words run out, but Your love doesnt (:

school was alright today. but it rained and rained and rained like nobody's business after school. so annoying. i hate rainy days. haha. and i always have this fear that i'll slip and fall on the wet floors. really! haha.

everyone! go download the song pretty girl (the way) by sugarcult. it's OUR song!

now smile for me (:

2006-04-17T22:47:00.000+08:00

little nutbrown hare, who was going to bed, held on tight to big nutbrown hare's very long ears. he wanted to make sure that big nutbrown hare was listening.

"guess how much i love you," he said. "oh, i dont think i could guess that," said big nutbrown hare.

"this much," said litte nutbrown hare, stretching out his arms as wide as he could go. big nutbrown hare had even longer arms. "but i love you this much," he said. hmmm, that is a lot, thought little nutbrown hare.

"i love you as high as i can reach," said little nutbrown hare. "i love you as high as i can reach," said big nutbrown hare. this is quite high, thought little nutbrown hare. i wish i had arms like that.

then little nutbrown hare had a good idea. he tumbled upside down and reached up the tree trunk with his feet. "i love you all the way up to my toes!" he said. "and i love you all the way up to your toes," said big nutbrown hare, swinging him up over his head.

"i love you as high as i can hop!" laughed little nutbrown hare, bouncing up and down. "but i love you as high as i can hop," smiled big nutbrown hare, and he hopped so high that his ears touched the branches above. that's good hopping, thought little nutbrown hare, i wish i can hop like that.

"i love you all the way down the lane as far as the river," cried little nutbrown hare. "i love you across the river and over the hills," said big nutbrown hare. that's very far, thought little nutbrown hare. he was almost too sleepy to think anymore.

then he looked beyond the thorn bushes, out into the big dark night. nothing could be further than the sky.

"i love you right up to the moon," he said, and closed his eyes. "oh, that's far," said big nutbrown hare. "that's very, very far."

big nutbrown hare settled little nutbrown hare into his bed of leaves. he leaned over and kissed him goodnight. then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile," i love you right up to the moon - and back."

2006-04-14T08:03:00.000+08:00

didnt wanna leave you with the wrong impression;
didnt wanna leave you with my last confession

i'm gonna miss all you people!

2006-04-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

www.crankyourloveuploudbaby.blogspot.com - GO GO GO!

we could be the talk across the town

2006-04-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

today was unbearably SWEET! (:

flying off to bangkok tmr morning. i'll miss church and everything, but maybe God's giving me a chance to reach out to my family. yup, you'll never know!

had cell after school! it feels good to know that there's dis group of people in class who are just so passionate about God (:

and i just realised how near the mid-yrs actually are. gotta start mugging. really.

today's a good day! (:

one day we'll laugh about it, cos we're always playing those games

2006-04-12T21:39:00.000+08:00

found this on someone's blog.

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT!! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for 2 hours, and from those results, I will judge who deserves the better job".

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, "It's gone! It's all GONE!! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past 2 hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed."That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?" God just shrugged and said...

Jesus saves (:

2006-04-12T21:07:00.000+08:00

rainbows and pots of gold
so much to prove before we got old

ooo. preety girl and i did the aus presentation until ONE IN THE MORNING yesterday! and i only slept at 2. AND i went over to preety's house after skool today to finish up the presentation. it was tiring.

THANK US BOYS.

okay, off to study for a math! wish me luck, people! (:

one day i'll go, dancing on the moon

2006-04-10T21:07:00.000+08:00

she's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego

today was emotionally draining! but i'm glad it's all over.

there are many things that i would like to say to you, but i dont know how ):

had a splitting headache during eng. i just needed to put my head down but i scared fonseka will think i'm so lazy that i cant even put my head up. so sometimes my head would be high up and sometimes my head would be on the table. i dont understand how anybody can stay awake during fonseka's 3periods-in-a-row lessons.

being without God is a hopeless end
but being with God is an endless hope

i'll be going to bangkok this weekend. if my mom can book the tickets. off to see my dad. oh! he may be coming back permanently (is this how you spell permanently?) around sep! he's trying to get a job as a lecturer (: yes. praise the Lord for putting my family together again!

someday, i'm gonna stay
but today, i'm gonna walk away

2006-04-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

goodness.

2006-04-07T20:26:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish that my tear ducts will just dry up.

2006-04-07T19:48:00.000+08:00

today was faeces ):

pls let me know that my one bad day will end

2006-04-02T12:45:00.000+08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jessie!

During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear jessie had to pay a special jessie tax.
Jessie is the only king without a moustache on the standard pack of cards.
Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are jessie.
Without its lining of jessie, your stomach would digest itself.
It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same jessie.
The international dialling code for jessie is 672.
Jessie cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in her stomach.
Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by jessie.
Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from jessie.
Jessie can smell some things up to six miles away.

2006-04-02T11:56:00.000+08:00

maybei'lljuststayinbed

there's always something in the way

i hit my hand against the handle of my big wooden door last night. the pain was so excruciating that i cried (i have a low threshold for pain). and i saw blood. okay, it was only a little bit but i freaked out. and i was so tired yesterday, i just wanted to get to my bed and sleep but i had to knock my hand. so great. it was bulging last night. as in there was a circle around the wound. haha. now the cut is so tiny i think you will laugh at me when i tell you that i cried. haha.

i get a high whenever you're around;
sweeping from my head to my toes

there's lit, ss, hist, math, and a whole bunch of things waiting for me. i need to get off but i just cant! help.

had flag day yesterday. i think i said the most thank-yous in my entire life in just one day. and it was tiring (what joy, we are gonna do it again next sat). i will try to donate everytime someone asks me for donation, provided that i am not lazy to take my wallet out. haha.

in the bright of day, it might seem like the stars are gone
well, they never leave,
they come back when the sun moves on

2006-03-30T21:17:00.000+08:00

YIPPEE! (: YITING GOT FIRST PLACE FOR SHOT PUT!

happy 16th nicholas!

and we all know that alfred tried his bestest! (: good job alfred!

2006-03-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

somewhere over the RAINBOW!

YEAH! today was a good day! (:

seow laoshi let us off for early recess today! it was the first time we were earlier than the express chinese people! haha. and i had too much sugar intake today. i think i might get diabetes or something! how! i'm obsessed. i'm so pathetic. haha. oh! monday was a great great great day! YEAH!

as they searched the night for someone to hold onto;
and just pass through

oh! and i spent tawG today! (:

OUR TOPSHOP SECRET! hoho!

and when ~~she~~ he walks, all the wind blows and the angels sing! x)

AH!

2006-03-26T13:23:00.000+08:00

thinkhappythoughts

it didnt make sense not to live for fun

SINGAPORE IS SO SO SO SMALL! and that's a good thing (: haha.

go www.letssingit.com and search for new found glory's heaven. and read the lyrics! (esp the guys!) haha. it's simple but so so so sweet.

the ice we skate is getting pretty thin; the waters' getting warm so you might as well swim

2006-03-26T00:48:00.000+08:00

i missed my old blogskin!

2006-03-25T13:41:00.000+08:00

ifeelbutterflies

but your fire fills my soul; and it wounds me up like no one knows

HAPPY SWEET 16TH QIHUI! HAV A WONDERFUL DAY! (:

i've decided to blog.

yesterday's heats was fabulous! haha. all of us did such a great job we all deserve a pat on our backs! (: no, actually we deserve pats on our backs; not just one! haha. huimin ran like a giraffe with her long long legs. regina just bounced along effortlessly cos she's so light. AND SHE OVERTOOK THREE PEOPLE! i'm so proud of her! (: amanda didnt let the fatigue overcome her! (you go, girl!) jessica was like the wind. and chenyaan was like a lion with her hair flying behind her. haha. nice work girls! (: the boys did a great job too! all of them ran like there was no tmr. and i'm sure cas' cheers and shouts motivated us to run even faster! (: i'm so so so proud of my class! YEAH! this paragraph is filled with so many smiley faces. let me just add one more (: haha!

FAITH SEES THE INVISIBLE, BELIEVES THE INCREDIBLE, AND RECEIVES THE IMPOSSIBLE

2006-03-19T15:52:00.000+08:00

thehardestpartofholdingonislettingitgo

i'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon

went to town with huimin yesterday! saw a lot a lot a lot of couples there. it's quite irritating when you so happen to look at them and they so happen to look up too, and then they give you the whatyoulookingat face. yes, hello? if you hug and grope in public, of cos people will look at you la. duh. get a room. anyway, we didnt get our bear bag ): but that's okay. cos we got dis monkey thing. haha. YEA.

oh! preety girl came over to swim on fri! haha. it was fun! talked and talked a lot. i didnt wanna get out of the pool. you should see how desperate we were for the sun. haha. in the end, i was late for my piano lesson. but it's worth the while! (:

so much pleasure with such pain
how we always, always stay the same

school's starting again tmr. wad joy.

but it's amazing what a couple of years could mean

2006-03-11T00:31:00.000+08:00

timecanhealusagain

but the words get confused and the conversation dies

woke up this morning feeling wrong. probably cos of the dream i had. haha. i dreamt that my family had to move out of the condo cos my father lost his job. but my older sister insisted on staying there. she said she's already working and can support herself. and she doesnt see why she has to move out when she can survive on her own. okay. so the 4 of us moved out. we were all lugging our luggages until we reached this void deck. and i woke up.

i dont know. the sight of void deck gives me this funny feeling. like there's this void under all the apartments, and it's waiting for people to fill it. it just creeps me out. the sight of an empty void deck.

let's make this last forever

the march hols are here. but i have to go back to school every single day. they might as well not call it a hol instead. but the last day of school was very slack. so maybe, just maybe, it makes up for the lack of slack (haha) we will be having during the next week. we had ipp. some emergency exercise. so we only had the first 4 periods of the day, and the rest were free! mr see let us watch corpse bride while we were trapped in the classroom. and actually he wanted to teach chem after we came back from assembly. but nice him allowed us to finish watching corpse bride. it was a nice but sad show. quite sad la. cos the bride gave her 'husband' away.

played netball under the hot hot hot sun after school. and we ran 400m. my timing was 1:39. i must improve!

and as we lie beneath the stars, we realise how small we are

i feel sick ):

2006-03-09T21:12:00.000+08:00

in the air, the fireflies- our only light in paradise

mr rai is biased! ): but i dont know. maybe we deserve it? but he should at least let qiqi and wenrui go to the toilet what!

if your life was a movie, would it be a good one?
saw this off the join-the-army kind of advertisement. and i want my life to be a good movie.

2006-03-08T20:58:00.000+08:00

as the surface breaks, reflection fades

my beloved cousin. haha. i just felt like putting her face here.

today was a slack day! not that i'm complaining though. i was feeling so horrible during ss. cos of. ya. haha. stayed back in school for dontknowwhat. me and huimin were talking about class stuff and everything. and i dont know.

was hoping to play netball when the sun was not so bright, and when there were less people. but didnt play in the end. anyway being sweaty at this time is so much so inconvenient.

no goodnight kisses anymore

sometimes i wish i could be the uncle selling chicken rice at bukit batok. at least he already completed his studies and everything. somemore he has his own business. it may not be a very big or famous chicken rice stall but at least he has his own thing to do. not like me. i dont know what i want to do next time. and studying is so stressful now.

but i'll hang in there cos of God's vision for me! (:

we keep confusing stars for satellites